chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Dear god my vagina.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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