I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
