Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize