What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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