she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you will always have a special place in my vag
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You may now shotgun with the bride
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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