I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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