I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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