As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
