Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
