i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
