Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
