Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
