oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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