that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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