you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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