Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
