I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
