I'm sorry my penis didn't work
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
