Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My vagina is officially offended.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
