And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
