Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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