i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
