You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Is it because I queefed?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Hippo gnu deer
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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