i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
