Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
His hands were made for my vagina.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
