I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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