well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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