Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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