Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
