My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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