i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
