I bet he comes in French.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize