Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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