No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
