anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
