dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
