Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
