yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
