There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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