not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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