Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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