u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
