Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
