i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I don't deserve a penis
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
