U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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