i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
