ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
