Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
