if only i could text you this smell
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
