U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
