Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
