My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
