Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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