Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
