Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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