WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
soo... how was my night?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
