Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
