Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
