tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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