Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
please come you make the beer taste better
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
