You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
