I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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