rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
