Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
