she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
