so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
