The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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