i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
