I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
