The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
