i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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